Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Not Recovering

The cancer books and magazines lay scattered like so many fallen leaves.
Cabinets and the fridge are filled with alkaline and other diet foods
observed disdainfully by me who just sits around and grieves.
Suppose I should get up off my butt and deliver the news.  The goods.

Off in the nearby (even darker nowadays it seemed) deep woods
a wolf began its nightly howling at the now waning moon.
Soon it would be gone entirely, then what would he do?  Drop some 'ludes?
Standing up proved to be a little too much for me, I felt like I was going to swoon!

Must have been all of that Jack.
Some with coke, others not.
It was not for the lack
of trying, it was just so damn hot.

I managed to finally stabilize and decided to put on a shirt.
Dirty, but still wearable by my standards.  My new ones.
Now that things had forever changed, I no longer gave a fart.
A new life had been imposed upon me by...life.  I now had to start
all over again.  But, I felt like nothing, like dirt.
I fell over and landed back on my buns.

Back where he started.  Knocked on his ass by events.
Pulled out of his lifestyle and thrown into another.
Full of sorrow and expressing deep laments
he would have to snap out of this somehow, his brother
would be here soon and he was no drinker.
Just a religious nut and conservative thinker
(an oxymoron if he ever heard of one).
Like thinking and conservatism could go together!
He never had much to say to him, just talk about the weather.
But today, it was up to brother to do the talking.
He was the happened-to-ee
So, I stumbled off to pee
and found myself a moment later pissing on the toilet seat.
My wife would've raised quite a stink over that one
and of the fact that I was so shit-faced.
But she is no longer here.
No longer anywhere.
Up and down the bedroom hall I paced
while waiting for the brotherly meet.
I know, I will just grab a regular old beer!
That should disguise my drunkedness and show that I really did care.

Apparently much later, I woke up in something that smelled like vomit.
I sit up slowly and looked at the clock.
I had not heard anyone knock
but, then again, it was several hours past the last thing I remembered.
I stumbled over to the door and opened it.
A note appeared taped to the outside wall.
Brother wondering where the hell I was.  Precisely, I thought.
No where near heaven.
I had better go sit back down before I fall.
A faint rememberence glimmered
in my rotting mind.
Her face, her laughter.
I wiped the snot
off my face
and promptly
passed out again.

There half-in and half-out the doorway,
staring blindly up at the rafter.

mindbringer, 27 May 2013